Make Sure It’s Meaningful
How to tell whether your child’s program is preparing them for adult life — and what to ask for when it isn’t.
I’m writing the book I wish every parent had before their next meeting. Written for parents of children with autism and related disorders — not about what your child can’t do yet, but about where all of this is supposed to be going.
Everything else on this site is ready now: the free Quick Audit, the 3 Signs series, the guides for the meeting itself, and one-to-one work with me.
Practitioners make it meaningful. Parents make sure it’s meaningful.
Why this exists
“My child is making progress” is not the same as “my child is being prepared for adulthood.”
Goals get written, mastered, and replaced. The reports say progress. Everyone at the table is kind and working hard. And still, something feels off, and you can’t name what.
Here is what is usually going on. Most programming is built around the next school year. Almost none of it is built around the thirty years after school ends. That is not anyone at your table being careless — it is how the whole field was trained.
You are allowed to ask where this is going. You are allowed to ask for something different. This site is about how.
You deserve to know what your child’s program should actually be doing. Dr. Shanna Bahry
You are not being difficult
The parents who ask good questions are not the difficult ones. They are the ones whose children end up with programs that point somewhere.
Why it matters
The outcomes are not inevitable.
They are, however, entirely predictable when programming never changes direction.
of autistic adults in recent studies have poor outcomes in adulthood
are unemployed or underemployed, and often underpaid
continue living at home with their parents into adulthood
autistic teens will enter adulthood over the next decade
Every one of those numbers moves when programming changes direction early enough. That is the entire argument.
Three ways in
Wherever you are, there’s a place to start.
Start on your own
The free Quick Audit, the 3 Signs series, and the guides that get you through the meeting itself. Printable, plain-language, and built to be used before your next meeting.
Guides & workbooks →Read the whole argument
The book takes you from “something feels off” all the way to knowing exactly what to ask for, why it’s reasonable, and what to do if the answer is no.
About the book →Work with me directly
An outside read on your child’s Treatment Plan or IEP, a transition assessment, help preparing for a meeting, or someone in the room with you.
Working with me →“Working with Dr. Bahry may be the single reason our son has an opportunity to live as close to a ‘normal’ life as possible. Words cannot begin to adequately describe how grateful we are that she stepped in to help our son.”
RyanParent
Start with the Quick Audit.
Fourteen questions, about four minutes, and a score that tells you where your child’s plan actually stands. I’ll send it right away, then a few emails about what to do with what you find. It’s also how I let people know when the book and the workbooks are ready.
A note on the two books
There is a version of this argument for the other side of the table.
I co-wrote Make it Meaningful with Dr. Peter Gerhardt for the practitioners who build these programs. This book makes the same case for you. If your child’s team is willing, that one is worth putting in their hands.